Friday, July 24, 2009

All That Love Does...

make me happy.

So, I've been feeling a little out of sorts lately. I'm sure it's a combination of a few things - hormones, enormous swollen ankles, uncomfortable sleeps, I could go on - but the point is, I'm just not quite myself.

And while I have definitely been feeling more emotional then usual - which in it's self is different for me as my normal range of emotion doesn't vary much between great & happy, to joyful & positive - it's been the sentimental feeling of gratitude that keeps making the crocodile tears well up in my eyes.

Now I've always thought people treated me kindly, and have consistently felt warmth and love from family, friends and strangers but lately, lately I've felt overwhelming touched by people's kind ways.

For example, a little while back one of my readers sent me a lovely package of Borghese products, including the face mask Kev and I are applying above and a jar of their ultra rich and thick body creme to pamper myself during this last bit of the pregnancy. I love the products and even more so the sentiment of the very thoughtful gesture and had sent her a message letting her know just that when I received them. But now, every time I come out of the shower and apply the body creme my mind goes crazy thinking, "Why would anyone be so kind to send me this? I don't know what I did to deserve this? People are way to nice to me."

And a couple days ago Bobby came over...

and made soft tacos for us (side note - they were really, really good). Now first of all Bob is like a brother to me. Kevyn, him and myself have been friends forever and we behave that way when we're together, no filters, no pretenses, no guards - lots of potty humour and fart jokes. Secondly, Bobby comes over all the time for dinner & cards, and has made us dinner before. But when he left on Wednesday night I turned to Kev and asked him, "When did Bobby become such a nice guy?" Kev looked at me like I had three heads and answered "Rob's always been a great guy, he's one of our best friends." Duh - I know that! But for whatever reason my mind was telling me his kindness was beyond expectation and felt undeserved.

Then there's my family, who listens whole-heartedly while I moot over my sore feet and puffy ankles like it's the first time I've told them instead of the hundredth, which I'm sure it is by now.

And Cashius who has an endless supply of kisses even though my afternoon walks with her have sucked lately because of said ankles.

And friends who are full of funny stories I've felt like they've told just for me.

Girlfriends who sit around and play cards with me even though they could be out and about on the town.

Guy friends who fill our backyard with laughter and melodrama (anyone else got a husband who plays in a Yahoo Fantasy Baseball league?).

And of course my husband, who reminds me that I do deserve all this love and kindness, that my mind is just playing tricks on me but, if I want to cry then go ahead and cry anyway because he's there to hold me.

Good - because I brewed up a new batch as I was writing all that.

There certainly could be worse things in life then feeling too much love couldn't there.


Anonymous said...

That picture with the facemasks CRACKS me up! You two are so CUTE!!! Somehow we all have trouble accepting that we deserve good things. You are a good person - it's all good :)

baronessvonb said...

I found that when I was doin' my stroll down cancer lane a few years ago, I would weep everyday at the overwhelming kindnesses that people seemed to have an endless capacity for.

In your case, you can't help but think that all of your positivity won't have a huge ripple effect, non? You only receive what you had the heart to give.

Meghan (Making Love In The Kitchen) said...

We're all waiting for that little one to show him/herself

Anonymous said...

It's just karma my friend. Send out good Karma and back it comes!