Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Always Wanting Peace

makes me happy.

Kevyn and I got in a stupid argument the other day.

Funny, writing the words stupid argument makes me laugh because I think it's a total oxymoron - is there such a thing as a smart argument? Some folks would argue, "Of course, there is such a thing as a smart argument - sometimes you need to stand up for what you believe!" I would ask to those same folks if arguing with someone until they said "You're right" strengthened their original belief in anyway? Of course not, how could it. Our personal beliefs are never dependent on the number of people that agree with them.

Anyhoo - back to our stupid argument. For the large majority of the argument, even though there were times I was feeling very upset and sometimes even hot under the collar, all I kept saying to myself was "I want peace." Not in a way like, "I can't stand this man yelling at me! All I want in life is PEACE!" No, more like, "The solution, to keep my ego from fighting with his ego, is to want, and ask for, peace."

Every time I closed my eyes and asked for peace, any need my ego had to be right dissipated more and more. At the same time I could feel his ego shutting down - perhaps in part because it could sense there was no one home for it to fight with, or more likely, because I'm sure Kevyn was searching for peace in the moment as well.

And that is why I would say our relationship works as well as it does, we'd both gladly choose peace over being right 8 days a week.

Note - I've just figured out what a smart argument is... a discussion. And by my definition, a discussion is an exploration for solutions.


AndreaD said...

BRILLIANT POST!!!!! It's exactly what I needed to read at this moment :) Thank you for writing something so thoughtful! I like it when you two write a lot.

Anonymous said...

Very smart! You, my friend, will make a great mom.

...love Maegan said...

you two are so cute.

Husband and I got into it a little while ago ..I'm wishing I read this earlier today as to have prevented our "stupid argument"

i am playing outside said...

this is something i need to work on. i know it can be done :)

Barbara said...

This was great! I will have to use this one when we get into a "stupid" argument.


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link up?