Monday, March 14, 2011

Feeling The Feel

makes me happy.

Saturday evening I made my way down to the Park Hyatt here in Toronto, to meet a few of my girlfriends who had so very kindly decided to treat me, and themselves, to a one hour Swedish massage.

It was luxurious. And something, in retrospect, that I really think I needed.

During the massage I kept thinking about the D&C (the operation I had post miscarriage) and how I felt NOTHING when they put me under and performed it. I also kept thinking about how easy it is to emotionally shut down as to NOT feel anything.

And then, as I was getting the massage I began thinking, this is the exact opposite of not feeling. This whole hour is about feeling. And maybe in the bigger picture maybe this whole experience was about feeling. Feeling the loss and the sadness. Feeling the love, support, empathy and gratitude.

Speaking of which, I'd like to take another opportunity to thank everyone who has so kindly connected with me throughout this ordeal.

Please know I listened to and read every single one of your calls and letters and they all touched my soul.

I'm sorry for not responding individually to you all but, I still feel quite emotional when I talk or write about it and am not sure I could go through that so many times.

I knew when this happened that miscarriages are quite common. While knowing that fact alone didn't really do much to ease my pain, hearing and reading your personal experiences did. They made me feel connected. They made me feel empathy. They made me feel like we humans might finally be getting it - that regardless of all our superficial differences, at our core we are all the same.

Did I also mention that the girls loaded up the hotel room with wine and cheese for a post massage card and gab fest? They did - it rocked.

All my love and thanks.

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