Wednesday, August 3, 2011

The P Dot

makes me happy.


Saturday morning we headed to the beach to celebrate Kev's birthday with his twin brother...


and close friends.


It was lovely.


Kevyn's brother Andy was very close to Cash as well.


While going through a difficult time a couple years ago he found solace in her company,


and as he told Kev when he found out she was sick 'Cash was the friend I really needed during that time.'


I've cried everyday since she's been gone.


Sometimes I beat myself up and think about times I had yanked on her leash too hard or wasn't patient enough with her when she was learning to walk beside the baby stroller and not in front of it.


I sometimes think about this big, un-neutered, male lab that came bounding over to us in the park a few weeks before I knew she was sick and tried to hump her. Of course Cash lost it, chased him and put him in his place like the strong alpha she's always been but, I could tell it took something out of her. I could tell she just wasn't up for it and sometimes I think that interaction kicked started this whole mess into high gear.

Sometimes I feel anger towards that dog which... is ridiculous.


Mostly I just miss her and think I'm going to see her everywhere.


Mostly I think about how high she could jump,


how she didn't move from her dog bed in the morning until my feet hit the ground,


and how much I love her.


I also constantly think about how precious love is and am more conscious then ever to not squander one single moment of it away.